Maybe it's the Only Way

I'm starting to think that I might be right about this.

And it's terrifying me.

What if the only way to get there is by being really vulnerable and open, on a level that I haven't done before?

What if the only way there is to be seen. Like REALLY be seen, because I laid it all bare, I let it all out, I ripped the skeletons out of all the closets and threw them out into the Sun to burn off all the cobwebs of shame, of embarrassment, hurt, anger.

What if the only way out is through?

What if everything is on the other side of the thing I'm THE most afraid of?

The funniest part is, it's not even failure that I'm the most afraid of. I've been failing steadily for years.

But what if the only way I'll actually be able to be the person of my dreams, the girl who gets the world, who lives her happily ever after, who has her dream house and her dream job and her dream man and family all wrapped up in one happy beautiful little bubble... is if I'm really brutally honest, all the time, up front. On social media, on here, and everywhere.

I'll get vulnerable with my clients, don't get me wrong. But I've built relationships with them, and it's easier to share parts of myself that I'm protective of with them because it's a One on One conversation. Not a one sided telling of my story and it's villains, and quests, and lessons and heartbreaks to the general public.

It's fucking scary!

But I'm beginning to think it's the only way.

I've pulled tarot cards, because I'm that kinda person, and they're like "listen, you're in control here. You keep asking these questions like you'll get some different answer but the opportunities are there. The World is your stage and the spotlight is ready for you, so what are you going to do about it?! You gotta dig deep, and then dive. The choice is yours."

I started writing without intention to see what came out and got a ton of words about owning power and even spouted off about some scripture which is DEFINITELY unlike me, but in the recesses of my brain I had this idea that I apparently needed to get on paper to be able to understand.

So what if the only way to really show up for people and teach them what I know, is to show them what I mean by healing? Show people what I mean by how I coach you, and what you'll get from me. Because it's not just fitness.

It was never just about Fitness.

I started moving my body intentionally because my mind was not a safe space for me until I began moving my body.

I started eating better and focusing on nutrition because I could not move my body and create a safe space in my mind, unless I fueled my body properly.

I started studying and researching the symptoms I was experiencing because unless I advocated for myself, I would never be able to heal the trauma that created the illness.

So maybe the only way out is through.

Maybe I'm here treading water in the same circumstances I've been in, because the only way to get out of it is just rip the fucking band-aid off already.

Consider this a continuation of my Re-Brand, I'm just getting started.