An Apology & An Explanation

Where did I go? What about the cookbook? What the fuck has been happening?

A lot of things, actually. Let's go back a month so I can explain.

On April 20th I had to move out of the house I had lived in for the last 4 months. I wasn't evicted, but I was forced to move out earlier than I had been anticipating when we moved in. It turns out that my friend who owned the house, hadn't been totally up front with the person she co owned it with- and they didn't want us renting the downstairs apartment. I had to pick up my family and leave.

The struggle with that, is that housing in southwest Michigan is nonexistent this time of year. It's non existent for most of the year, but from May to September, 97% of the housing in my area becomes Tourist Rentals, the prices skyrocket from the high end of reasonable to more like 4k a WEEk to rent a house. I have a family of 5, and we need to eat too, so that's obviously a no go.

I scrambled to complete the cookbook. I didn't. I got 3/4 of the way through it and was unable to finish it before we had to move out. I had zero time to get on the computer and let anyone know what was going on. I literally had a last second meeting with Sam to let her know that I had to leave abruptly. I had to drop my mod duties and my podcast responsibilities because we were moving so last minute. And I would be moving onto my property with no electricity let alone internet.

I had about 2 weeks to pack up our lives and get something figured out so we could live somewhere. I found a yurt, I bought it with tax money that I had planned for other things, and started spending every waking second packing the house or building the yurt so we had somewhere to go.

All of this was scary. I was back in fight or flight mode and I wasn't sleeping, barely eating, just go go go and trying not to let my stress affect my kids.

I own 9 acres of sand and trees and undeveloped land about 15 minutes away from downtown South Haven Mi. But there's no well, and no electricity. No normal comforts. I slapped a yurt with a woodstove in it out there so we could have a safe place to live while I figured out what the fuck the next step was.

So that's where I've been. That's why I never posted the cookbook pdf or emailed the coupon codes. And I'm so sorry I let everyone down so much. I was scared and panicking and just wanted to protect my family, so everything else had to be put on a hard pause.

We've been doing okay, roughing it for sure. We go to friends houses for showers, I haul water in jugs and boil it to do dishes, I have a fridge that plugs into the back of my car so we can store cold food. And every day is like Little House on the Prairie. Harder than should be reasonable.

And yeah. that's what's up. That's where I've been and what's been going on. I'm embarrassed by the outcomes in my life, and ashamed that I couldn't just face it and own it as it was going down. It's scary, not knowing where you're going to end up, and scarier still when you have kids to protect from your circumstances and failures.

I'm at a point now where I'm going to the library regularly to spend several hours working on the cookbook and getting it done properly and not rushed. It will likely take me until mid to late June to release it this way, but as it's mostly done already I'm confident I can finish it in that timeline.

I wish this was a happier post and not one I'm so ashamed or embarrassed by. I'm really sorry for letting people down and ghosting everyone. I just didn't have the spoons or mental capacity to do anything more than what I was doing. I had no time. I had no energy that wasn't dedicated to literally building a safe place for us to go at the last minute.

It just is what it is.

I'm not letting all of this defeat me though. I'm too tough for that. I'm still getting up and running sword drills a few days a week. Still pushing my body to feel strong and capable, both with workouts and this new lifestyle we have living in a yurt in the woods. Cutting down trees with chainsaws and then chopping it up with axes is a type of physical work that should not be underestimated. I'm grateful for Mace bulking my shoulders enough to handle the load.

I have a lot of decisions to make and options to consider now. Do we stay in Michigan and try to build on this land, in this township that is so unfriendly to families trying to make it work? Do I sell and move? Do I fork over my kidneys to afford housing in this area? I don't know. I don't know what to do or what will happen next. Maybe my Ancestors will yeet me into a new possibility or I'll dream up a solution.