Shapeshifting Motherhood

Motherhood is a trip. There’s no other way to say it without inserting some colorful language. And that’s not because it’s torment all the time, but that ish is hard.

So let’s talk about it real quick. Just get it out on the table so that we can see where you’re really at as a Mom, because believe me I KNOW what it’s like to not know where your body stands. 

Let’s start first with recovery time. That whole “Bounce Back in a few weeks,” thing is 100% myth. While there is a percentage of new moms who seem to be able to get back to their “before” body with relative ease, there’s a huge demographic of mothers who have a harder time, and instead of being supported properly- they’re left to flounder and drown in self loathing and critical judgment. 

I’m gonna rock your world: the current data is reporting that it takes mothers five to seven years to recover from pregnancy. Not 6-8 weeks. Not even a year, but five to seven years for full physical and mental/emotional recovery from pregnancy and birth. That’s a normal healthy pregnancy with no interventions or medical conditions or diagnosis developed along the way, and a low risk “easy” labor and birth. So if any of those things were different for you: surgery, health conditions and diagnosis, high risk, etc- your recovery time is often longer. 

In all actuality, it is one hundred percent normal, healthy, and okay if you are not one of the 2% of people who “bounce back,” easily after having a baby. It is not disgusting to have bright red stretch marks after housing a 9lb human in your belly. It is normal to have a high appetite when you’re breastfeeding and have greasy hair or skin like when you were a freshman in high school. Your hormones are doing a literal tailspin and it’s chaos in your brain and body as you heal from birth and adjust to your new life. 

As a Mother I can attest to the utter confusion in the aftermath of each of my pregnancies, because I didn’t know what the hell was happening with my body and doctors were little help when I asked, telling me things like ‘you’re clear to work out after 8 weeks,’ and ‘make sure to eat plenty of fiber.’ When my body needed protein and iron, and freaking water and sleep. My body needed to be reminded of what it’s like to hold itself together, because I felt like a stretched out shirt- lumpy all over and weird, not right. And I had nobody to point me in the right direction, no village or cultural tradition to help my body get back to stasis and my mind adjust to having responsibility over this whole new person now. A sad and unfortunate norm for a lot of Americans and displaced people- with no cultural support or traditions of caring for the mother in place, we struggle. 

Breastfeeding is a beautiful journey and I am a huge advocate for it. But there’s a lot that I wasn’t told too, and not just in terms of cultivating a healthy breastfeeding relationship with my babies or latch or flow or mastitis, or any of the other potential obstacles. I mean that I had no idea that breastfeeding releases two hormones- oxytocin to help you build that bond with baby, and also relaxin; whose main job is to soften the connective tissue of mom’s body. Relaxin is necessary during pregnancy so that the hips can widen and separate and let baby out during birth. But it continues being produced in the body when breastfeeding too, because the breasts swell with milk demands and you kind of want your skin to be soft enough to accommodate that need. The unfortunate aspect of this is that your joints are also soft, and so is the connective tissue in your muscles, making abdominal separation harder to heal too. And no one told me that that lower abdominal weakness would lead to weaker hips and a low back that ached no matter what I did. That it would affect my posture negatively and permanently change the shape of my bones. 

Nobody told me. So I’m here to tell you. 

Shape Shifter, the female body undergoes a barrage of changes and transformations at a chemical level internally and it produces a variety of changes externally that can be really hard to adjust to. I want to be someone to tell you that it’s fucking incredible and something to be proud of, no matter what scars you carry with you in the aftermath. And that there is no real rush to “get back” your before body. 

If you have had a baby at any time in the last 5-7 years, you are still in recovery. Pat yourself on the ass Mama, you’re gods damned incredible. 

If it’s been longer than that and you still don’t know what the hell is going on with your body because nobody ever advocated for you, Mama I got you. It’s not too late to love yourself. It’s not too late to feel like a badass. You are not too far gone or broken or too old, or used up or whatever bullshit lie someone in your life or the media has made you feel about yourself. You are a fucking powerhouse. You are a creator of futures, world changers, rebels, and artists. There is nothing you cannot do, nothing mundane about you baby, you are magical as fuck. 

Even us Mom’s can be badasses.

You can learn how to swing a sword or a mace in your backyard for funsies. You can learn how to love seeing sweat hit the mat during your workouts, you can learn how to speak love and power into yourself when you’re struggling to make it through a hard move. You can love your body in all its glory, stretchmarks and saddle bags and extra curves and all. You don’t need to be carved out of stone to be lovable or valuable or badass. 

In fact, I want you to embrace your inner Olga. Be the BAMF with shoulders that make a man think twice. Legs that can smash skulls on a Tuesday like it’s Nothing-New boo. Let’s reshape what it is to be fit and in love with our bodies. Be thicc and strong and fierce and stand in your power as a Mother unapologetically. 

Be the Warrior Goddess that you feel like in your bones. That take no shit woman that you told yourself you’d be, raising feral World Changers and breaking the chains of a past that has no right over the present or future. Main character energy! Embrace it!